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Wednesday, November 23, 2016

BEFORE I SAY I DO

I don't even know why I'm doing this
I don't even know d purpose of this 
I'm not happy
I'm not even sure if I'm in love 
I don't know how I feel
I don't know if I'm here because I feel like I can't do better
I had dreamt of the man I want to spend the rest of my life with
I pictured a man that will respect me

Thursday, August 11, 2016

DIARY OF A JUMOKE #10


"Baby, are you feeling hot?"

"Should I ignite the AC?" he asked when he saw how I was fanning myself profusely.

 My throat went dry. This man must be a special kind of silly.

I mean how would you have loads of money like this and still speak English that could pull down the ozone layer?

He wants to ignite the AC.
Somebody please save me.

I nodded for him to turn on the air conditioner, the heat was killing me.

Monday, August 8, 2016

DIARY OF A JUMOKE #9



Two weeks passed and my contract with Dr Bassey ended. He traveled out of the country last weekend after depositing a breath-taking amount of money in my bank account.

I mean five million naira for two weeks of being his side chick? If you ask me I’ll say that's good business.

Shade's birthday was coming up soon and I planned a small party for her. It was the least I could do, the lady was like a sister I never had.

My head was all wrapped up in the birthday preparation that I forgot totally about Chief Ike's invitation. When I remembered, it was way too late and I figured I had to devise a plan to make it up to him.

Friday, August 5, 2016

DIARY OF A JUMOKE ... PART 8


I  sprawled across the bed wearing only a bum short and an alter neck. Arianna was pulling my weave frantically in an effort to style my hair. It was painful, but I allowed her.

The little thing seems to be having fun. From the corner of my eye,I noticed the notification light on my blackberry was blinking. I picked it up and saw that a text message had came in.

 In my mind I thought it was one of those "If you want to be happy, send 1 to 3205" messages MTN was always sending.

I opened it and saw that it was a credit alert. The amount I saw made me gasp for air. Someone had transferred a whooping sum of 1.5 million naira into my account.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

DIARY OF A JUMOKE #7



"Musa,where your Oga?" I inquired.

I was at Freddy's house. I had called him but he refused to pick up. Even his gate man doesn't seem to know his where about and the silly guy had been calling me all this while, now that I needed his help he was no where to be found.

The guy's sugar daddy game was just decreasing bit by bit.

"E be like say Oga Fred talk say him won go pick madam,” his gate man said.

"Madam keh? Who is madam?” I asked, a bit confused.

 Instead of answering, the gate man just shrugged.

I walked towards his front porch. Even if he had gone to the moon, I was going to sit and wait for him.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

DIARY OF A JUMOKE #6


The look on Shade's face was priceless when she entered the living room and Found Dapo Badejo sitting right there. She had been sleeping when he arrived.

After staring at him for what seems like ages at the door, I finally invited him in and he was sitting comfortably on my favorite couch. I wanted to ask him like a million questions. One of which was how he got to know where I was living. Noka's issue was laid to rest for a while as the anger I was feeling earlier had dissolved into something I couldn't understand.

"Dapo, this is my Mum" I introduced.

 I was actually expecting him to do a casual "Good Morning Ma"

To my surprise, he dropped his phone and did a full Yoruba greeting by prostrating. I couldn't help but laugh.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

DIARY OF A JUMOKE #5



FIVE YEARS BACK

"Babe I really miss you and I want you badly"
"Noka I miss you too" 
"But I really need to talk to you". I answered in a very tired voice.

I had been feeling funny for the past one week. I woke up almost every day with a dizzy spell. That morning I had decided to confirm my fears by having a urine test.

The result I got threw me off balance. I discovered that I was pregnant. My mind was in deep turmoil.

What was I going to do?

I was so confused that I called my boyfriend Noka to tell him I was pregnant. But when he picked the call and I heard his fruity voice at the other end of the phone, the words got stuck in my mouth.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

10 SIGNS YOUR BEST-FRIEND IS SLEEPING WITH YOUR BF/GF


Dating Debate 

Have you ever suspected that your best friend was sleeping with your boyfriend/ girlfriend or husband/wife? Well, this post would help with that.


1. He/She would always want to know your schedule.

2. He/She would talk about him/her at every opportunity she gets.

3. He/She would make excuses for him/her especially when you complain that he isn't around to take care of you or when you don't know what he/she is up to.

Friday, July 8, 2016

DAIRY OF A JUMOKE #4



Soft Bed, a lilac duvet and a man with traces of grey hair on his head were the first sights I took in when I opened my eyes.

At first, I couldn't remember where I was but when my eyes fell on the scattered furniture in the room and my bra, which was hanging on the doorknob, the memory of the previous night came flooding back.

I had left Club 44 with Mr Bassey after he led me to his Limousine and ordered one of the most expensive champagne. I had to give him a very exquisite lap dance and by the time I was through, I discovered he was hard as a rock.

He told the driver to take us to the hotel where he was staying and on our way I had added to the fun by giving him a blowjob he would not forget in a decade, he came in my mouth like a tsunami and I could see the shock in his eyes. Dude has never experienced anything like it ever in his life. I was proud of my skills and myself.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

DIARY OF A JUMOKE #3


Rukky was touching up her makeup when I got inside. The makeup and accessories didn’t really help her situation; she was still looking like a starved person.

 Does this girl eat at all?? I asked myself as I approached her. 

"Jumoke, which levels Nah?"
"What's all this, you were supposed to be here an hour ago," she said, not giving me space to even defend myself. 

"I am really sorry, something came up" I replied.

"No qualms"
"Let's go to the dressing room, you need to change your clothes" she added as she packed her makeup and headed upstairs toward the dressing room. 

I was lost for a millisecond, what on earth was wrong with what I was wearing?

Monday, July 4, 2016

WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON SNATCHING?

Dating Debate


WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON SNATCHING? 
You see a girl or a guy and you like them but on approaching them you realise he or she is in a relationship. What do you do? Snatch or take a walk.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

DIARY OF A JUMOKE #2

      


 Three Months Earlier

I met Freddy at a beach party organised by my flat mate's friend. Actually, I hated the girl. She always acted superior, as if she owned the world. She was not even half as pretty as I was.

Shade my flatmate had convinced me that the party was going to be fun. Besides, I could meet a lot of rich guys there. Meeting rich guys were what got me to agree. I won't be so stupid to pass a chance of swimming in a pool full of "wealthy fishes" because of one stupid girl who had bleached every part of her body, including her brain.

We were half way into the party when he arrived. He was tall and muscular and I would have mistaken him for Vin Diesel if not for his dark skin tone.

I had been watching his every move since he arrived and I noticed the way the muscle in his back moved elegantly when he walked.